And I'm feeling like the proverbial "bag of shit". I'm not sure exactly why.
*Maybe it's the anesthetic still running through my system.
*Maybe it's that I still can't give Jo a full run up hug, you know the one where the child goes running straight into someone's arms.
*Maybe it's because Hubby pissed me off last night because he had to follow Jo around at gymnastics for the whole 45 minutes of the class. He was however much happier when he got to watch her jump like a pencil, soldier and a star on the trampoline.
*Maybe it's because we have a house full of people for meals on Sunday and Monday for a 2 day celebration of Jo's 3rd birthday and my mom's 50 something birthday (59 I think).
*Maybe that the inside renos are all on hold and I wish I could be doing more.
*Maybe it's the change of the seasons
*Maybe most of all I think I'm starting to mourn the loss of my uterus.

I don't want another child. I'm more than happy with one and count my blessings that we were the chosen ones to raise her. All along I knew this was going to be a hard one to deal with. My fertility was taken away when I was 24 years old and here 14 years later any possibilities are now gone. I do have to look on the bright side. I won't be keeping "Always" in business anymore and won't have to worry about the arrival of my period at the worse times. But I do have to wonder, I still have my ovaries...does that mean that I will still get PMS symptoms without actually having my period? Might have to Google that one!

On a brighter note. My auctions seem to be doing well and it looks like I might have some extra spending money in October for Toronto. Hubby got a $2.00 an hour raise this week, which adds up to $4.00 per hour more in the last 6 months and roughly an extra dollar an hour when the company picked up the entire tab for our Extended Health Benefits. I'm hoping that when I get back to work that maybe I'll get a raise too. I've been there since April and I have gone into work for 2 partial days since getting home. Time will tell I guess.

I don't think there is much else to blog about today. I'm tired and should get my butt back up to the couch and just relax.....

posted by Northern Mom @ 11:07 a.m.

3 Comments:

At 2:50 p.m., Silver Creek Mom said…

LEt yourself morn. I would. Your system is still getting used to the idea it's not there.

IF YOU NEED TO TALK or someone to cry to you know the number. I'm sure I'm on speed dial.

;)
At 2:40 p.m., BeachMama said…

I understand completely. The loss of an organ is a hard thing to let free. There are no more what if's, no more miracles can happen, it just seems weird.

I am sending you some hugs and hope you are feeling a bit better today.
At 12:02 a.m., Unknown said…

I don't know what it's like to suffer the loss of an organ...but I do know what it's like to mourn the loss of a child or the potentiality of a child. We've been TTC and having a difficult time. Seems like everyone I know is pregnant now too, which makes things all the more difficult to grieve.

Just have faith that all will get better and easier with time :)