I've been stewing on this one for ages and maybe I might feel better if I get it all written down and finally off my chest.......

Back at the beginning of July Jo's birthmom called hubby and asked if she could store all of her stuff in our garage. There was no possible way. We are renovating and have our own junk in there so there just wasn't room. Hubby however offered to pay storage fees for 2 months for her. Somehow she managed to get behind paying her rent. She was in Geared to Income Housing and her rent was only about $100.00 per month. We think that her boyfriend moved in and that's why she got the boot. At that point the bf had apparently bought a trailer for her and the 4 kids could live in for the summer and her plan was to have an apartment by the beginning of September because 3 of the 4 go to school.

Fast forward to August. I was out shopping one night and drove by my Mother In Law's house. It's almost 9pm and there are her 2 middle kids (9 and 5) standing on the side of the street shooting at cars with water guns. This isn't a neighborhood street. It's a divided 4 lane main street in the city with median dividers, turning lanes and lots of traffic. It was all I could do not to stop the car, but then my second thought was that it's not my problem.

September comes and she still doesn't have a place. Our credit card is on file at the storage place and there is supposed to be a note on the file to call us before charging it for a third month. I check the Visa and sure enough we were charged another $188.00 for the month of September. One of hubby's brothers pays us the amount because "M" is supposed to be moving into her place within the month.

One of hubby's brothers called on the weekend and told us that "M" and the kids were staying with him and he had to kick her out because the kids were too bad and things were getting stolen. For whatever reason she is not getting the apartment that she was supposed to get. So once again I check the Visa and sure enough another $188.00 has been charged for October. Hubby is supposed to call Visa and try and stop any further charges for the storage. He was supposed to do that back in August.

"M", Jo's birthmom has 4 other kids. They are 13, 9, 5 and almost 2. She has never had a job and has been on "The System" since her oldest was born. She has 3 which should be in school and I have no idea if they are or not. I'm not sure that they have even spent an entire year in the same school or not. These kids have no stability in any part of their lives. Boyfriends of hers come and go, new apartments, new schools nothing ever stays constant in their lives.

I feel bad for the kids. I look at Jo and think about how lucky she is, how lucky we are. Some days it bothers me that she won't have siblings to grow up with but I do know that she will have so many opportunities that her birth siblings won't. One of hubby's Sister in Laws called us this summer almost in tears. They had stopped over at Hubby's mom's house for a visit and she couldn't believe how different Jo is from her birth siblings. Jo is well behaved (as well as a 3 year old with an attitude can be), polite and so lovable. That made me feel great as a parent knowing that we are doing things right. Almost like a validation of sorts.

I just don't understand how a parent can lack so much responsibility. How can you have 4 children and be virtually homeless? It totally boggles my mind. We continually make sacrifices and put Jo's needs ahead of our own. Isn't that what being a parent is all about?

We are soon faced with the decision of where to send Jo to school. We are seriously contemplating putting Jo in an all french environment. We both think that it would give her more opportunities later in life. The only all french school in our town is a Catholic School and she can't be refused based on religion. I could send her to a public school (in the city) that is right across the street from where Hubby and I both work, but my fear is that she will end up in the same school as her birth siblings and some of them carry the same last name as we do and I just don't want to have to do any explaining to her(until she is ready) or the school. We can only hope that "M" never makes a move to our little town.

I am thankful that we have Jo and without "M" it never would have happened and our lives would be so much different. I just wish I could shake some sense into the woman so she could get her priorities in order. I can only hope that the 4 kids look out for each other and somehow manage to live productive lives.

posted by Northern Mom @ 7:46 a.m.

5 Comments:

At 4:06 p.m., Silver Creek Mom said…

That's so sad about the kids. I guess there is not much anyone can do.

Breaks my heart really.

Hugs
At 8:20 p.m., BeachMama said…

I feel for you. It must break your heart to see these other kids not having the opportunities that they should.

You have been blessed with Jo and she is so well behaved because you are her Mother and Hubby is her Father.

Hopefully, M will get her stuff together, before she loses the other four.
At 8:58 p.m., Anonymous said…

You're a great mom. I'm sorry for M's kids; it must be doubly hard for you to watch, partly because she's family through your hubby and partly because she's Jo's birthmom. Part of me still thinks she should have given you the next one, too.
At 10:22 a.m., Unknown said…

What a tough situation. Thankfully, your daughter is with you and your hubby :) Hopefully one day, "M" will get a wake up call, but the sad truth of it is that most people who have been accustomed to a certain way of life don't change that easily. It's hard to break out of that cycle. Keep up the excellent job you're doing raising your little one :)

Thanks for popping by my blog! It's nice to see a fellow Northerner out there! :)
At 12:53 p.m., Anonymous said…

Hey, I commented last week - where did it go?

It must be so hard, Barb. I can't even imagine. But having met Josie I know that she is one terrific little girl, and you are doing a great job raising her.