I was almost pregnant. We had just had our transfer from out first IVF cycle at the Parkdale Clinic in Ottawa. Here is a peek into one of the notes that I made during that time.

"March 23rd, 2001
-Our last trip to Ottawa. We have the truck packed and by 7:30 we are ready to leave. I am sad to go. We have had a great visit with my grandparents and Hubby has been helping to feed the deer every night. It has been home away from home. I'm looking forward to my own bed and I really miss my dog. We find out that we only have 5 embryos. I was hoping that more than that would have survived. They transfer 2, one is an early blast and the other is a morula. I didn't ask the grades. Too much information sometimes is a bad thing. The trip home is good and I am glad to be home. Now the real fun begins. I had some tearful moments on the way home. This is a close to being pregnant as Hubby and I have ever been. The 2 week wait begins. "

I was so positive that this was it. My anticipated due date was Dec 8 which is also a dear friend's birthday. During the 2 week wait I cut, pieced and quilted a small blanket that would fit the crib nicely. I made it out of left over drapery samples and backed it with flannel so it would be warm for the baby. It now however is keeping the dolls warm, so it wasn't time wasted. It is being used by my child....just not the way I thought it would be used! Needless to say, the cycle didn't work and we were devastated and went on to do IVF again that same year and then again in 2003. All 3 ended without a pregnancy and we were all set and ready to live child free. Little did I know that the summer of 2003 would be the last summer of complete freedom for me.

We had explored adoption prior to starting IVF and were through most of the paper work and then decided that it wasn't for us. Ok, so hubby made that decision, but that

at is a whole other blog subject all together.

On August 14th, 2003 we had the "Blackout". It was a Thursday afternoon and I went to work on Friday, but with no power there was no way we could work. I left around lunch time and headed to Manitoulin Island. Little did I know that this would be the last weekend on "The Island" where I could sleep as little as I wanted, drink as much as I wanted and play with the kids, but send them back to their parents when I was finished.

.....and How Jo came to be

I was watching TV one night when the phone rang and it was a Single Mom who had 3 children and being alone she couldn't look after one more. Hubby went to see her and they talked about the impending arrival. The only thing that Hubby told her was that if she had any second thoughts that she wasn't to even talk to me about it. I did talk to her that night. I sat and cried for many reasons. One, because I was finally going to become a mom and two, Hubby and I weren't getting along very well and the timing was awful. I got on the phone the next day and got Doctor and Lawyer appointments made and the ball was rolling. The first lawyer that we saw didn't seem to know too much and we ended up seeing another lawyer in the city who does the majority of adoptions here. He is an amazing man! He treated our birth mom like a person and spoke to her, not at her and above all gave her the respect that she deserved.

I got a phone call at work on a Thursday afternoon that M was in labour and thought that I could stay at work, but ended up leaving and spent our daughters labour with the birth mom and got to be in the delivery room and witnessed the birth. It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. I stayed at the hospital that night and on Friday walked out of the hospital with my 20 hour old daughter. This picture was taken when she was about 14 hours old. I was so excited about getting everything together that I forgot the camera and Hubby brought it the next morning. Jo weighed in at 6 lbs 9 oz and was such a good baby! It wasn't until she was 16 months old that we went to court and had the judge formally tell us that we were a family of 3.

Although the attempts at IVF were all unsuccessful, we still have a beautiful baby girl to love. Sometimes I think I missed out on the good the bad and the ugly of being pregnant, but then again maybe I didn't.

Is there a greater gift than what we were given? I'm not sure if birth mothers understand the impact of what they have done? In 5 short weeks, our lives were changed. Tomorrow is always a whole new day!

posted by Northern Mom @ 9:11 p.m.

4 Comments:

At 6:23 a.m., BeachMama said…

I love your Birth story. Jo is so wonderful and I cannot say it enough, she takes after you in so many ways, no one would ever know you were not her birth Mom. You are a great Mom.
At 8:00 a.m., Silver Creek Mom said…

I LOVE this story. I remember the email and it gave me shivers when you told us that JO was coming. She is such a ctuie and a blessing. BUSY but cute. BUT NO worse than mine.

And I was sick for 8 months. It was no picnic.

Loveya
At 8:03 p.m., nancy said…

I am in tears re-reading the whole story. I STILL remember the post on the ivf chat board...will never forget it.

Now I consider myself so blessed to have finally recently met your little Jo....she is a terrific little lady.

xo
At 5:25 a.m., twinmomplusone said…

so vivdly rmember when you announced Jo's arrival, the best news ever
yes, you are blessed and so is she

thanks for sharing this story again